I’m Always Wrong

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I’d like to think that I’m correct about the occasional matter from time to time.  For example, I am of the belief that fried chicken is a superior eating experience to say…I dunno, cat litter.  But according to my 2-year-old daughter Audrey, I’m wrong.

Cat litter is better.

She won’t say as much when she’s correcting me.  Oh no.  She’ll just simply say “No” in the most direct, matter-of-fact, you-best-not-question-me-or-else-your-ass-will-get-beat kind of way.  It’s a joy.  It’s fun to repeatedly feel stupid.  It’s a great pleasure to constantly be contradicted on even the most mundane of things.  Still, I’m guessing she does this–not because she actually believes her contradictions–but out of a need to exert control.

With toddlers it’s all about control.

But even knowing that, it still is an ego crusher to be told you’re wrong all the time.  In an effort to cope with this sharp decrease in self-esteem, I invite you, my dear readers, to share in my pain and suffering.  So please, if you will, enjoy all the following real life examples of how wrong my daughter thinks I am.

  • “Sure is a nice day, isn’t it?”  NO.
  • “Mmm…the pizza’s yummy, huh?”  NO.
  • “I think it’s about time you sat on the potty.”  NO.  (short pause)  “Daddy, I need to sit on the potty!”  “Grrrr…”
  • (Seeing Audrey dance to a song)  “Oh, you like this song?”  NO.
  • “Daddy, why Ike not moving?”  “It’s too hot, honey.  Cats don’t like this much heat.”  NO.  CATS LIKE HEAT.
  • (Feeling pain from having a sticker ripped off my hairy leg)  “Ow!”  NO.
  • (Audrey singing)  “Old McDonald had a farm…EIEIO!  And on that farm he had a–?”  “Cow?”  NO.  COW!  EIEIO!
  • “Yes?”

Ummm…

NO.

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