We’re Having a Baby and Our Daughter Couldn’t Care Less

Ham-Audrey

She likes ham though.

It’s baby time around here.

Momma’s due date for “Number Two” was this past Sunday.  So, as you can guess, we’re on pins and needles here.  At any moment my life could turn into one of those Hollywood give-birth-to-a-baby-in-the-back-of-a-speeding-Ferrari-while-mobsters-fire-tommy-guns-from-motorcycles scenes.  Or who knows, we could get trapped in an elevator, sitcom-style, forcing me to deliver my newborn son in the most comical fashion possible.  (I’m thinking it’ll involve me losing my glasses.  That’s always funny.)  Regardless of how it all goes down, however, the arrival of my newborn son is going to be NUTS.

Audrey, however?

She couldn’t give a shit.

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Night of the Possum, Part Two: Endgame

Possum-Trap

It was Saturday night.  The possum that had invaded and terrorized my house the night before was encased within my basement wall.  The trap that we borrowed from a friend was patiently lying in wait for the beast.  The worst that could happen is that it would just stay in there, die, and stink up the place.

So I went to bed.  That was that.

Three hours later I woke up to relieve myself.  Discovering my wife was already in the bathroom, I waited impatiently for my turn to arrive.  The house was the sort of dark and quiet you’d expect from 3 o’clock in the morning.  But that would not last for long.  When my turn came I shuffled into the bathroom silently and did my duty in the dark. Had I turned on the light, I might have noticed it sooner.  Instead many seconds passed before the possum caught my eye.

It was sitting in my daughter’s plastic training potty.  It was looking at me.

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Night of the Possum, Part One

Possum-Door

This story has little relevance to children or parenting.  What it is about, is a possum.  And it’s just too terrifying not to share.

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Daddy-Daughter Book Review: Edward the Emu

Edward the Emu

So a package arrived the other day from my Aunt Claire.  Like most parcels these days, it mostly included stuff for my soon-to-arrive son and already well established daughter.  Amongst this particular treasure trove was a book.  An Australian book to be exact.  And inside said book was a note; a request to review it right here in this ol’ blog o’ mine.

Challenge accepted Claire.

Now if you’ve read my previous book reviews you know that I often find myself reading the same books over, and over, and over again.  It can get to be tiresome.  And as a result, I have learned to be a bit critical with their content, ranking them on the following dad-centric criteria:

  1.    How fun is it to read?
  2.    What is the quality of the artwork?
  3.    How high is the reading level?

If a book scores highly in all three, I’m much more likely to indulge Audrey’s book reading whims and drive a particular book into the ground.  So with that in mind, let’s peck our way into Sheena Knowles’s “Edward the Emu” and see what tasty nuggets we find inside.

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Dealing With the Almighty Power of “No”

Audrey-Pensive

This morning I went to the playground, placed my 2-year-old daughter on the swing per her request, and pushed it.  Pretty run of the mill stuff!  But this time she immediately became upset.  So I stopped it for her.  But to my surprise this didn’t diffuse matters.  Instead it resulted in just more kicking and screaming.

ME:  “Do you want to swing?”

AUDREY:  “NO!”

ME:  “Do you want to get down?”

AUDREY:  “NO!”

ME:  “So…do you want to just sit there?”

AUDREY:  “NO!”

ME:  (pause)  “How about the slides?  Do you want to go on the slides?”

AUDREY:  “NO!”

ME:  “Do you want to ride your bike some more?  You did so well earlier.”

AUDREY:  “NO!”

ME:  (another pause)  “The spray park is over there.  We could go get your swimsuit and go to the spray park.”

AUDREY:  “NO!”

ME:  “Do you just want to go home, honey?”

AUDREY:  “NO!”

ME:  (running out of options)  “Sesame Street is on…”

AUDREY:  “NO!”

Sigh.  Seeing the neighboring swing, I sat down on it.  Silently.  The silence lasted for seven minutes, each of us sitting in our swings.  Such is life with a 2-year-old.

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Out of the House Round-Up: Getting This Kid to Clean Up, More Toddler Projects & Preparing for Baby

Audrey Sleeping

All this staying-at-home has made me a little stir crazy. Let’s take a look around the internets, shall we?

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