That there is my new baby boy: Zachary. He came into the world just last night. I am a Proud Papa once again.
I should be going to bed right now. I got about three hours of repeatedly interrupted sleep last night. But before I hit the sheets, I figured I’d fill you, my dear readers, in on a few random observations from the last 24 hours. Enjoy.
- The hospital is a really strange place. It’s so amazing and crappy all at once.
- In the past day I have consumed far too many turkey clubs. I don’t know what this means, but I’m scared all the same.
- Cots! I hates you! *shakes fist at sky*
- The reason I had so many turkey clubs is because they’re the only thing on the menu that had any flavor. I mean, how can macaroni and cheese not taste like it even has cheese on it? Kraft brand would have been superior. By far.
- There was a bonafide party is the delivery room next to us. There must have been 20 people there to watch the show. I even heard one girl mention she brought her boyfriend. Please, let that sink in for a moment.
- The mac and cheese even had this fancy red spice on top. But the fancy red spice had no flavor. How can fancy red spice have no flavor??? C’mon hospital.
- Her boyfriend! To labor!
- Nurses see a lot of crazy crap. Mostly random people’s private bits.
- So much trash! My goodness, everything is paper and plastic in a hospital.
- If I experienced just one hour of being a nurse I’d probably need a padded cell.
- ijooook (my cat Monty just walked over the keyboard)
- I have totally forgotten what it’s like to change the diaper of a newborn. It’s weird! They’re so frail-looking and wrinkly. And the diapers are so small! Terrifying.
- The back seat of my car is now fitted for kids only. I am officially a gigantic loser.
- My wife is a warrior princess though!
- Without the princess part, however… Not because she couldn’t be! We just don’t have any jewels. Simple as that.
- This is gonna get a bit schmaltzy, but I must admit Little Zachary has the biggest eyes I’ve seen on a kid. He’s like E.T.! And he’s grey and wrinkly too. But somehow…he’s still cute as hell. And I already love him. Even though he’s done nothing thus far but poop and sleep.
Isn’t that weird?