My 3-year-old daughter has never fully understood Christmas. Sure, Audrey enjoyed the presents, treats, and lights in the past, but there was no real anticipation for her. All the fun just happened, and that was enough. Now that she’s three however, a strong sense of excitement has set in. She knows Christmas is coming. She knows she will get presents. She knows she will get candy and treats. And she knows Santa Claus is coming. It’s fun! But it also got me wondering…
How much about Santa Claus does she really understand? I sat down with her yesterday to find out.
Q: What’s the name of the guy who shows up on Christmas?
A: Santa Claus. [A good start.]
Q: Where does Santa Claus live?
A: He lives in his sleigh. [Interesting…]
Q: How does Santa Claus get to our house?
A: He rides his sleigh to here. Flying his sleigh. [His home flies at least.]
Q: How does the sleigh fly?
A: Reindeer does. [Grammar aside, good!]
Q: How many reindeer does Santa have?
A: One, two, three! He has three! [She can be very convincing. Wrong, but convincing.]
Q: What are their names?
A: Tinty Linty the Momma Cow, Elephinty the Baby Reindeer, and Pinto. [Okay. Where do we begin here? Audrey did do two doodles of animals the other day and named them Tinty Linty and Elephinty, so that’s where those two names came from. Pinto, however? I have no idea. She’s kind of a weird kid.]
Q: Isn’t there a reindeer with a red nose?
A: Yeah. [Good. Back on track!]
Q: What’s his name?
A: (thinks for a while) Speaker! [Ummm…]
Q: Okay…so, how does Santa get in our house then?
A: He gets down the ladder! Then gets in the house. [It’s the getting-in-the-house part that worries me.]
Q: What kind of food does Santa like?
Q: What kind of food do the reindeer like?
A: Vegetables. [Pronounced “vegebles”.]
Q: What do you want to eat on Christmas?
A: Another candy cane! Carrots. I like carrots! [No. She definitely does not.]
Q: What does Santa say on Christmas?
A: Ho ho! [As a certain loaf of meat once said…]
Q: What’s Santa’s favorite song?
A: London Bridge. [I never knew!]
Q: Is Santa small or big?
A: Big. [More like fat.]
Q: Is he young or old?
A: Young! [Young Santa? Now that’s an idea. Are you listening Hollywood?]
Q: What color clothes does Santa wear?
Q: Who lives with Santa Claus?
A: Jordan! And Jeffrey and Erica. [Imagine how lucky Audrey is that her best friend—along with her parents—lives with Santa in his flying sleigh.]
Q: What does Santa leave under our Christmas tree?
Q: What kind of presents do you want?
A: A toy zebra! A black and white zebra. [She has a zebra already, but it’s pink. She needs the black and white one to complete the set, I guess.]
Q: What does Baby Zachary want?
A: Baby toys. [Well, duh.]
Q: What do Momma and Daddy want?
A: Kites to fly in the house! [How did she know???]
Q: What about [our cats] Monty and Ike?
A: Kitty food. [Nice. I’m sure they’ll appreciate more of the only thing they already get.]
Q: What about your friends? Like Max? Will they get presents too?
A: Yeah! Show up at bowling alley. Bring Max an elephant! [Apparently her friend Max lives in a bowling alley. Can’t tell if that’s an improvement over Jordan’s flying sleigh or not. I mean, it’s gotta get cold in that sleigh, right?]
Q: What about Jordan?
A: Her favorite cow again. Again! Again! Again! [I have no idea what she’s talking about here.]
Q: Where does Santa get his presents?
A: From town. [Capitalism!]
Q: Does Santa bring presents to naughty boys and girls?
A: No. Nice ones, Daddy. Nice ones. [Said as if I’m a big dummy for asking.]
Q: Are you a nice one?
A: No. Yes! [Caught yourself there I see.]
Q: What do you do that makes you nice?
A: I laugh. Laughing makes me nicer and nicer.
It sure does, honey. It sure does.
Have a Merry Christmas everyone!