Strange Exchanges with Audrey: Saying No to Chest Hair

Ears-Audrey

Like this, but covering her eyes instead

Those of you that know me likely know that I possess a truly magnificent mane of manly chest hair.  It’s in all the right places, and nowhere it shouldn’t.  It’s thick and soft.  And it’s even got some salt n’ pepper mixed in for good measure.  I’m proud of it, and rightly should be.

So this morning, as I am often wont to do, I was going about my day with only my boxers for clothing.  And that’s when my 2-year-old daughter said this:

Audrey:  Daddy, you wear something.

Me:  Why?

Audrey:  Daddy, I no like your… (thinks for a moment) …chest hair.  Daddy, you need wear something.

Audrey then goes to the dirty clothes pile in my bedroom, pulls out an article of clothing, and hands it to me.  It’s a pair of used boxers.

Audrey:  You wear this daddy.

Me:  You want me to wear this?  But I’m already wearing boxers.

Audrey:  Daddy, you wear that.  Wear it so no chest hair.

So I put on a shirt instead.

Advertisements

Father’s Day Blog Takeover: Strange Exchanges with Audrey

Image

Hello Folks, Momma here!

In honor of Father’s Day, Audrey and I are taking over the blog with a Strange Exchange that is all about Daddy! I compiled a list of questions (inspired by something I saw on Pinterest) and asked Audrey all about her Daddy. The results are sometimes true, sometimes projections of Audrey’s life onto Daddy, and sometimes downright hilarious.  Continue reading

Let’s Play ‘Try to Find My Daughter’

DSC_0044

Audrey likes to hide.

For instance, she’s hiding in the above picture. I’ll give you a second to try and find her. Need some help? Well, here’s a hint: that closet door isn’t usually open.

Yeah, my little girl’s really not that hard to find–especially in person considering she’s always giggling, singing, and announcing that she is, in fact, hiding. Sadly, like many of us in this crazy thing called Life, she’s passionate about something she’s actually pretty terrible at. But that doesn’t mean we can’t all play a game I spend many hours a day enjoying. I call it: Try to Find My Daughter.

And let me warn you–it’s gets a LOT tougher from here.

Continue reading

Strange Exchanges with Audrey: The Taste of My Nose

Eggs-Audrey

I’m starting to think my kid’s nuts.  Are all 2-year-olds this nuts?  I seriously have no idea.  It’s just…  The things this kid says sometimes.  They make no sense whatsoever!  Latest case in point:

AUDREY:  Sing like an egg.

ME:  Sing like an egg?

AUDREY:  Yeah!

ME:  *sings like I’m in an egg*  Here I am!  Singing in an…egg?

AUDREY:  Lick your nose too!

ME:  You want to lick my nose?

AUDREY:  Yeah!  *mimics licking with a loud, demonstrative SLURP!*

ME:  Is my nose tasty?

AUDREY:  *slurps again*  Yummy nose!

So…yup!  You heard it here first, folks!  I have a yummy nose.  Delicious.

SLUUUURP!

Strange Exchanges with Audrey: Licking the Banana Bus

Hayride-Audrey

My 2-year-old Audrey has been dispensing a great deal of verbal weirdness as of late.  The most recent example involved a leisurely morning drive around town with her mother.

AUDREY:  Oooh, look!  A bus!  *pauses to think*  We needa follow the bus.  Go stop the bus.

ME & MOMMA:  What happens when we stop the bus?

AUDREY:  We gonna eat it.  Gonna lick it.

US:  What does the bus taste like?

AUDREY:  Bus taste like banana bread.

But of course it does.

Bubbles Need Poops and Other Inescapable Truths

Audrey in Thought

My daughter has a very definitive way of speaking.  Everything is absolute.  Nothing can be denied.  So when my particular 2-year-old states in a clear and convincing way that “Bubbles NEED poops”…

You almost believe her.

Of course, you and I know that bubbles do not indeed need poops.  They need a plastic wand, a gentle puff of breath, and a warm summer’s day.  So why is she saying this?  Why are bubbles pooping?  And why is it so necessary?  Are there answers to such questions?  We may never know.  Such is the mind of a toddler, I guess.  It’s too bad because this Inescapable Truth is not the only one to spring forth from my daughter’s mind.

And the others are just as weird.

Continue reading