Introducing the Men’s Only Reading Club

Zachary-Reading

As a stay-at-home dad, I don’t get a lot of downtime.  If my newborn son is asleep or chilling in the swing, my daughter is likely to be painting the walls with strawberry yogurt or balancing atop a rocking chair to reach an out of reach picture frame.  Conversely, if my daughter is down for a nap or watching Wild Kratts, my son is screaming for a bottle or whining about being in his saucer for too long.  It’s exhausting, and accelerating the graying of my luxuriant hair.  But every so often I do manage to get a bit of a break—even when little Zachary is awake.  So what did I decide to do with that precious time?

I created the Men’s Only Reading Club.

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So I Interviewed My Young Daughter About Santa Claus…

Audrey-Candy Cane

My 3-year-old daughter has never fully understood Christmas.  Sure, Audrey enjoyed the presents, treats, and lights in the past, but there was no real anticipation for her.  All the fun just happened, and that was enough.  Now that she’s three however, a strong sense of excitement has set in.  She knows Christmas is coming.  She knows she will get presents.  She knows she will get candy and treats.  And she knows Santa Claus is coming.  It’s fun!  But it also got me wondering…

How much about Santa Claus does she really understand?  I sat down with her yesterday to find out.

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I Am a Big Antisocial Weirdo Around Other Parents

Audrey-Window

An at-home parent typically has one choice every day:  leave the house or stay at home?  Staying is nice because you can go without pants all day and watch The Price is Right.  Going out is nice as well because, you know, nature.  But while going out often involves diaper bags, strollers, and frantic store aisle chases, those unpleasantries aren’t the worst things about leaving the house.

It’s the fact I’ll have to speak with other parents.

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My God These Kids Are Loud

Audrey Zachary Chair

This is what it is like trying to carry an actual conversation with an adult human being in my house right now:

MOMMA:  We should do something this weekend.

ME:  Oh yeah?

MOMMA:  Yeah!  The weather’s supp—

AUDREY:  Momma!  Shhh!

MOMMA:  That’s not very nice, Audrey.

AUDREY:  Shhh!

ME:  Daddy and Momma are just trying to have a con—

ZACHARY:  GLARK!  WAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

ME:  …  What were you trying to say again?

AUDREY:  Daddy!  You shush now!

MOMMA:  The weather.  They say—

ZACHARY:  WOOOOCK!  PA-WEEEEEE!!!

ME:  What was that?

AUDREY:  DADDY!  SHHH!

MOMMA:  I said—

ZACHARY:  WICKY-WICKY-WICKY POO-TWAAAAAAHHHH!!!

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Strange Exchanges with Audrey: Saying No to Chest Hair

Ears-Audrey

Like this, but covering her eyes instead

Those of you that know me likely know that I possess a truly magnificent mane of manly chest hair.  It’s in all the right places, and nowhere it shouldn’t.  It’s thick and soft.  And it’s even got some salt n’ pepper mixed in for good measure.  I’m proud of it, and rightly should be.

So this morning, as I am often wont to do, I was going about my day with only my boxers for clothing.  And that’s when my 2-year-old daughter said this:

Audrey:  Daddy, you wear something.

Me:  Why?

Audrey:  Daddy, I no like your… (thinks for a moment) …chest hair.  Daddy, you need wear something.

Audrey then goes to the dirty clothes pile in my bedroom, pulls out an article of clothing, and hands it to me.  It’s a pair of used boxers.

Audrey:  You wear this daddy.

Me:  You want me to wear this?  But I’m already wearing boxers.

Audrey:  Daddy, you wear that.  Wear it so no chest hair.

So I put on a shirt instead.

Daddy-Daughter Book Review: Edward the Emu

Edward the Emu

So a package arrived the other day from my Aunt Claire.  Like most parcels these days, it mostly included stuff for my soon-to-arrive son and already well established daughter.  Amongst this particular treasure trove was a book.  An Australian book to be exact.  And inside said book was a note; a request to review it right here in this ol’ blog o’ mine.

Challenge accepted Claire.

Now if you’ve read my previous book reviews you know that I often find myself reading the same books over, and over, and over again.  It can get to be tiresome.  And as a result, I have learned to be a bit critical with their content, ranking them on the following dad-centric criteria:

  1.    How fun is it to read?
  2.    What is the quality of the artwork?
  3.    How high is the reading level?

If a book scores highly in all three, I’m much more likely to indulge Audrey’s book reading whims and drive a particular book into the ground.  So with that in mind, let’s peck our way into Sheena Knowles’s “Edward the Emu” and see what tasty nuggets we find inside.

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